What is agency?

Imagine it's your night to do the dishes. It's been a long day, and you didn't have a chance earlier.

You're tired, but you care about your family, and you said you'd do it.

As you pass Rob on your way to the kitchen, he says, "You are going to do the dishes, aren't you? It's your night. You said you'd do them."

You respond, appropriately, "No Rob, I'm going to get an ice cream sandwich, and **** you."

To be fair, Rob's points were all correct. These were the same reasons that already motivated you.

The motivations and outcome are the same, but suddenly you resent the task. The difference is that Rob removed your agency.

You were contributing under your own power. Now you are doing what you were told to do.

Authoritarian systems, like having assigned chores, don't feel good. Being told what to do (even if you agreed to it) creates resentment.

We all want chores to be done on-time, and for the division of chores to be fair. It seems logical to plan and assign those chores, but that's not how people work (especially not children).

A better system gives your family agency, and makes them feel appreciated for the work they have done.

There are better ways to ensure chores are done on-time and divided fairly. Read how the Chantico Method creates appreciation instead of discord.